By the train to the train (May 2005)

We got squashed in the new car last week and only went three miles to Aspatria Railway station.
I knew what it was 'cos I've been on a train before but Io didn't. She was a bit scaredy catty when the thing stopped in front of us and Hairyface and The Screature put us on it. The floor was really good.. full of muck and smells and a half sandwich that Hairy wouldn't let us eat.
It seemed ok at first but there was no view, except feet, and it got hotter and hotter. We slept lots.

After about an hour and a half, according to Hairy, we left and went around a place with lots of smaller trains. These were really smelly. They had smoke coming from a hole in their roofs and hissed. Again Io was a bit scaredy cat about it and almost pulled The S over when one of 'em hissed at her personally. At least that's what she kept saying. I think it just farted.

This one was much better. I could cuddle up to Hairyface and look outside. Well, there were no walls just a gap to get in, a seat and a lid. The floor was clean too, it smelled of that disinfect stuff that The S uses if we have accidents.
Anyway, the smells were great. You could stick your nose into the wind and even smell the sheep on the bumps. The S got twitchy as she thought Io would jump out. As If? We're not that silly. OK, we can be sometimes, but we've never jumped off anything that was moving.

We got out in the middle of the bumps. It wasn't really very sunny and not many other people about. We walked off down past a place where Hairy and The S stop for tea and cake, but this time they kept walking. After about twenty minutes we were off the reins and away.
It was not to steep, unusual for Hairy (but he did have The S with him), and at first it was a real road. (Keeps your claws short) There were some amazing whiffs near a cow shed that had The S wrinkling her conk and making "Phewee" noises. Hairy said that it was ripe.

The path became grass and then mud and we chased about like we were trail hounds following a scent. Io did the usual and found a puddle to jump in. She does it just cos it really winds The S up. Hairy usually laughs. We found a big pond after a bit. Hairy said it was "Eel Tarn". Don't know what an Eel is but the tarn was freezing cold. We went wading but I wasn't going to spoil me collar.
Hairyface had some fud in his backpack and he gave us our sandwich and clicked at us with his camera thing. It was a shame there wasn't much sun cos it'd have been great to stay there and chill for a bit. But without the sun The S said it was chilly and they ought to get on to the pub.

Io likes pubs, I'm not so sure. Sometimes they're OK. like that one in Cockermouth where they used to give Great Aunt Gaia pistachio nuts. Other times they don't let us in saying we're a health hazard. I mean, how unhealthy can two fit young pups be? Then we have to stay outside on a hard floor and watch Hairy and The S pour the amber stuff down their necks.

This one were great, though. The Woolpack Inn. Nice floor. Plenty of smells. Mainly fud being cooked. They had Sangers and chips. Hairy kept slipping us a chip under the table. Now, I'm not normally a dog for chips, but these were the best I've ever tasted. Even The S said so and she should know, she shovels 'em in like nobody's business.

They had several glasses of neck oil which made me smile cos Hairy always has to stop and let it out again, almost as soon as he's drunk it.

From the Woolpack we followed a river for ages. It was not too fast but just as cold as Eel Tarn wasearlier. Hairyface had a go at crossing some stones in the water. We all hoped he'd fall in. Even The S and some wrinklies sat on the bankside watching. He didn't. Life can let you down like that.

We didn't even go to get Tea and cake. Hairy said we had to rush or we'd be stranded at Ravenglass. So forty minutes more of great whiffs in the old schnozz and we're back at the place where the big trains come in.

Io said she was a veteran now and tried to get on before everyone else. The old wrinkly she tangled up with the lead didn't find it as funny as I did.

The train was packed. We couldn't even sit together. Hairy and I squeezed in to a table with three rotten sprogs squashed up on the othe seat. They had sweets but didn't drop one! Io tried to slobber over a bloke's knee who'd sat near her and The S. But The S stopped her and got slobbed instead. She wasn't happy about that.

By the time we got to Aspatria I had been kicked, nudged and had my ear pulled by the stupid sprogs opposite I was seriously tempted to try for the vicious dog badge.
In the car again Hairy found another sanger, which we ate. Beef and pickled red cabbage. Urgh. How can he eat it? For fun?
We kipped in front of the fire all night and pretended we'd been on a huge expedition.
Ha, we probably only did four miles.
Doddle.

Next time Hairyface says we can have a longer walk. Can he read minds?